Self-Determination vs. Due Diligence
Letter to the
Editor
@ 1999,
Academy of Family Mediators
Mediation
News, Spring 1999, Volume 18., No. 2
Dear Editor:
Rebecca Picard brought up some important points in her
article “When a Client Won’t Obtain Outside Assistance,”
(Mediation News, Winter 1999, Wol. 18., No. 1). The dilemma
we face is balancing our clients’ rights to
self-determination, with ensuring that clients make
decisions based on sufficient information and knowledge.
In a recent case, I had clients who were very reluctant
to get the husband’s pension appraised, as they had already
agreed between themselves that he would keep his (police
officer) pension, she would get the house, and that they
would share his 401k plan. I convinced them to get the
appraisal with the idea that the wife had a right to know
what she was giving up. When the appraisal on the pension
came back higher than they had anticipated, after some
haggling, they agreed that the wife would receive the full
value of the 401k, and that they would payoff the wife’s car
loan. She would receive the house, while the husband would
keep his pension. This still left the husband with 55% of
the assets, and the wife with 45% of the assets, I went on
to explain how she could receive a percentage of his pension
via a domestic relations order. It was apparent that the
husband was wondering when I was going to let it go, but I
wanted to make sure that the wife had the opportunity to
make a decision with all the cards on the table. However,
she was happy with the deal, and we moved on.
At the end of the process, I asked the clients to
evaluate my performance in the mediation process. The
husband wrote “I thought you did a thorough and impartial
job which made both of us feel comfortable, I think there
were times you were insistent on certain topics that we had
already agreed upon. I know your reasoning for this, but it
may be better handled by asking the parties to sign that
they understand the specific point.” The wife was happy with
the process and the outcome, and her lawyer supported her
decision. Mediators shouldn’t be afraid to press the parties
to obtain information, so that the clients can make informed
decisions that will stand the test of time, even if clients
show initial resistance, and even at the expense of the
mediator appearing a little pushy
Sincerely, Anju D. Jessani Hoboken, New Jersey
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